my room smells like sperm. sweet.
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
You need Xanax blowdarts
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
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