Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
I think my nap took me to another dimension
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
You've changed since you got that strap on
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
Randomize
