I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
Randomize
