Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
Randomize
