I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
Randomize
