I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
I just found a bag of teeth...
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Randomize
