I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
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