U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
