My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
Randomize
