You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
Randomize
