He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
Randomize
