i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
Randomize
