I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
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