So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
