I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
Randomize
