so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
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