I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
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