My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
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