like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Randomize
