That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
I can't trust your balls anymore.
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
Randomize
