my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
Randomize
