I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
