I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
Randomize
