The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
He better not be in your backpack
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
