Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
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