break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Randomize