I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
i think my cat just said my name.
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
