this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
