3 st and 6 ave. One dollar pitchers. Look out world.
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
Randomize
