He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
Randomize
