Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
Life without a bra equals bliss.
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
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