Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
