I'll bet she douches with gravy.
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
Randomize
