Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
Randomize
