Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
Randomize
