I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
the liver wants what the liver wants
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
Randomize
