He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
