she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
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