i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
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