I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
