Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
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