What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
Randomize
