the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
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