i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
Randomize
