She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
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