I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Randomize
