Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
I checked into jail on foursquare
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
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