How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Randomize
