you traded sex for a burrito?
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
Randomize
