can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
should my penis look like a turkey
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
Randomize
