roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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