see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
Randomize
