I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
And then the night went full on bisexual.
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Randomize
