Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
Randomize
