dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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