I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
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