It's Friday. Sex?
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
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Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
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