stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
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