Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
Go christen that room with your naked body.
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
Randomize
