I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
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