Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
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