I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
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