shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
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