I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
Randomize
