I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
Randomize
